The Things Sexy Girls Shouldn’t Do In the Bedroom

I always find it hilarious when sexy girls need advice with regards to sex.  Personally, the responsibility lies on the guy to perform, and the girl to direct faster, slower, harder, right there, a little to the left, to the right.
Guys have pretty simple needs when it comes to pleasing us sexually.  We really don’t ask for much, but all the magazine articles make it seem like we’re made of a complex matrix of codes that’s too hard figure out in bed.  I’m not saying you just clock in and clock out, because it’s always great to mix it up, but you don’t have to pull something out from left field to get things done.  It’s quite hard for sexy girls to suck when having sex, but here are a few ways they can:

•  Machine gunning our junk

From what I’ve heard through the grapevine, a lot of female magazines tell its readers to treat our pleasure pole like an ice cream cone.  Sometimes they say nibble at it a little.  If you’re not into giving blowjobs and just want to give a hand job, please use some kind of lube.  Your favorite bottle of KY, your spit, hand lotion, a stick of butter you can use anything safe and slick to avoid making our hot rod get road rash.  Slow, long and wet generally lead to bigger and more pleasant climaxes.

•  Finger up the ass

Having quite a double standard, do we?  Many guys do all sorts of groveling just to get their girl to do anal, and those who end up caving in rarely enjoy the experience.  Yet, we’ll leave the country if you even hint at sticking anything up our ass.  I’ve had the unfortunate experience of having a couple of girls try this on me and it’s a total boner killer that is near impossible to come back from.

•  Chocking, hitting, scratching

Some people might be into this, but if you’re getting it on with a new partner, you might want to save the asphyxiation until the third date.  This is probably something you should both discuss before diving into it head-first.

•  Stay silent

So trash talking is out, and you’re probably not that good in talking dirty.  But if the only things we hear are crickets, the bed squeaks and the occasional ball slap, things can get awkward.  You don’t have to say anything award-winning, but moaning in pleasure or whispers of “yes” can go a long way.